Don’t think like a student

I was writing a blog post about … something, for my old employer’s website. When I finished my first draft, I printed it out and showed it to my manager. He said it was all right, but he didn’t like the fact I used the word ‘essay’, next to letter and email.

Apparently, this word was ‘too academic’ for the intended audience – businesspeople. I saw his point. I guess some words are more relevant to education than they are to other places. So I’m going to look at three of them in a snarky and (hopefully) humorous way.

  1. Essay

When was the last time a businessperson wrote an essay? They write reports, damn it! Essays are for children and teenagers who want to learn new things and wonder what these things mean using passive sentences.

  1. Think

Businesspeople don’t think things; they know things. If you say you think something, you’re undermining your own authority, duh! People read your writing to learn something from your opinion. ‘Think’ is a word that draws attention to your opinion. You don’t need to do that.

  1. Research

Didn’t you read my point on thinking? Sure, we all have to research something if we want to learn more about it, but businesspeople don’t say where they researched what they’ve written about. That’s what students do, and businesspeople aren’t students!

I don’t know why I decided to be an aggravated drill sergeant for these explanations, but hopefully my point about each word is clear.

If you can think of any words where these points can be applied, then feel free to share them in the comments section below.




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